Why?

Well, sometimes it’s because we still want them back, sometimes it’s because we had no closure, sometimes it’s because we are still holding on to the pain (if the relationship was abusive) and sometimes it’s because we want that same excitement and passion back in our life again… not the ex but the excitement he or she represents.

But sometimes it’s for a completely different reason all together, which is the case below. Listen to the short audio to see what I mean. This is from when I was on KZHT in Salt Lake City with Frankie, DB and Jessica.This poor caller keeps dreaming he’s having sex with an ex he does not get along with…



The message of the ex dream:  Remember, sex in a dream is more about merging qualities of your dream lover into yourself or about uniting on some level for a common good. Depending on which ex you shagged in your dream, it is either time to merge the passion of long ago into the relationship of now or time to merge your efforts together for the sake of a common goal such as your children. If the ex is someone you are still pining for then it is best to de-merge and realize this person is an ex for a reason.

As disturbing as “Chris’s” dream was for him, once he was able to understand it he could see the very powerful advice it offered him. Your dreams are offering powerful advice to you too, advice that will greatly improve a current issue in your life. In fact, your dreams are your very own secret weapon for a more fulfilling life. From your relationships to issues from your past that need to heal, your dreams are an endless source of “how to” for every area of your life. Grab one of my books and start understanding your dreams like never before. They make a great gift too!

“I just took your book  Cracking The Dream Code to work with me. A coworker was upset over her dream. I used your book to help her see what the dream meant. That made her day.”
   – Kelly Meronk, Amherst, WI

“I’m still reading Dream On It and can’t put in down. I’ve been dreaming a lot more or remembering them since I started to read it, but now my dreams are making sense. Thank you for a well written and enjoyable read.”   – Margie Ward, Upper Darby, PA

Want to read Dream On It right now? Get it on Kindle or Nook.

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According to a recent study at the University of Montreal, sex dreams make up about 8 percent of all dreams for both men and women.  Society’s openness regarding sex, coupled with our growing interest in understanding dream content has taught us that, surprisingly, sex dreams are rarely about sex at all – no matter how saucy they might be.

It’s important to remember that sex, to your dreaming mind, is not about a physical union you want, but rather a psychological union you need!

The Mystery Lover is the most common of all sex dreams. Many of us wonder if this dream is actually a glimpse of our soul mate who might be out there somewhere waiting for us.  Alas, t’is not so.  But what is so is that the unknown, faceless man or woman that often appears in our dreams does indeed hold significance.  As you may remember in Chapter 2, our dreams have a cool way of showing us the different parts of our personality in the form of a person so we can gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and what makes us tick. That being said, the mystery lover in your dreams is the embodiment, the personification of the qualities we tend to associate with that gender. 

If you are a woman, the mystery man represents your male personality traits, the part of you that can be assertive, speak your mind, bring home the bacon, handle your business and even squish the spider in the tub. 

 I have had this dream several times where I am having very graphic sex with an unknown man.  He is everything I have ever wanted and very kind.  I reach the Big O in these dreams and I always wake up very satisfied, but I never see his face.   –Tammy 40

Lauri:  You are attracted to this man in your dream because your dreaming mind wants you to be attracted to your own male, assertive, money-making, take-charge qualities so that you will use them to improve your life.  Your dream is showing you that this part of you is very much a part of who you are and a part of you that you like.  It’s a VERY GOOD sign that you are having these dreams as it means you have successfully merged your male self into your life and have achieved darn near perfect balance of male assertive energy and female nurturing energy.  The Big O is like extra credit for a job well done in waking life. Your body doesn’t know the difference between a dreaming event and a waking event, so it re-acts the same. During the sex dream your brain sends messages to the nerve endings in your little lady down there that sex is happening so she responds in the same explosive way as if it were real! 

Tammy replies:  I am a single mother and I do everything!  I bring home the money, fix the plumbing, paint, mix cement, etc.  I have been divorced for 13 years now and I do feel I have finally found myself.  I am proud of myself and am very excited that I can do what some men don’t even know how to do when fixing a house.  It saves me a lot of money.

Tammy’s dream is a great example of a woman who has embraced and merged with her male side. Notice how satisfied she is from these dreams. That satisfaction is not just physical; it is emotional and psychological satisfaction as well. 

Whenever a woman needs to assert herself or take charge in some form or fashion such as when she is up for a promotion, when she is a single parent and has to play the role of both, or when she needs to speak up for herself during the day, these are the times when the mystery lover will pay her a visit at night. 
If you are a man, the mystery woman represents your female qualities… yes, even the hairiest and burliest of men have at least a touch of feminine wiles within. Female qualities are the traits we usually associate with women, such as sensitivity, creativity, being a good listener, nurturing yourself and those around you.  From time to time in a man’s life, it will do him well to acknowledge and utilize these softer qualities.

Throughout life we struggle to incorporate the right balance of each into our personalities and behavior.  A man wants to be caring and understanding, yet he doesn’t want to be a sissy.  A woman wants to assert herself, yet she doesn’t want to be labeled the B word!  Our mystery lover dreams are guiding us towards that perfect balance of firm and gentle, bold and caring, yin and yang.

The post The 3 most common sex dreams and what they REALLY mean appeared first on Lauri Loewenberg | Dream Expert.

Every Wednesday I get to dissect a sex or relationship dream for my friends at Em and Lo: Sex, Love and Everything In Between This week’s dream is from a straight gal who is wondering why she’s dreaming of having a girlfriend…

I had a dream about an ex and a female friend that I use to be close to, but I moved and haven’t kept in touch with them. I still want to be with my ex even after being broken up for a couple of years now; he contacts me once in a blue moon but I make it my duty not to contact him.

In the dream I’m outside at a function and I see the ex, go up to him, we start talking and hitting it off. In the dream all my emotions feel real. While talking to him, my friend gets jealous and calls me over to her. It turns out she and I are dating and she knows how I feel about him so she doesn’t want me speaking to him. She sits in my lap and I put my arms around her and think about my ex. Then it ends.

I have never had any gay thoughts about my friend. However if I were to substitute her for my boyfriend now it would be just as correct.

Lauri: You mentioned that you still want to be with your ex even though you have been broken up for two years. This leads me to believe that your dream is trying to help you in the relationship department. The emotions you feel in the dream feel real because they are real. But keep in mind that after two years, it may not be that the emotions are as much about him as they are about what he represents: a loving relationship.

Your dream brings a very close friend into the picture to help make its point: someone else who, like the ex, is no longer a part of your life. Notice how at the end of your dream you explain that if you were to substitute your friend for your boyfriend, it would be the same. Believe it or not, that is the very conclusion your dreaming mind was leading you to. Well, not that you need to call her up and get with her but that a close friendship is what it takes to have a lasting, loving relationship. Ask any successful couple that’s made it around the block a few times and they’ll tell you that, first and foremost, they are best friends. So when looking at prospective relationships, make sure he can hang like a friend as well.

Response from Dreamer: Wow! This makes so much sense. I do feel like the relationship is lacking the connection of friendship and some of the love department. Thank you tons. I feel this has helped me out a lot.

Your dreams are such a powerful part of who you are.  They are giving you answers and direction, even warnings you need to know every night of your life. Why wouldn’t you want the ability to understand these important, even life-changing messages? Grab yourself a copy of one of my books and you’ll easily understand your dreams every morning and get a HUGE edge in life.

“Your books have been so helpful. I’m seeing my dreams in a much different light. I can’t believe how simple the symbology is once you get the hang of it. Btw, your drawings are incredible. You’re a fantastic artist!”   – Patricia, Chico, CA

The post I am a straight woman. Why am I dreaming I have a girlfriend? appeared first on Lauri Loewenberg | Dream Expert.

I’m currently a college student and going steady with my boyfriend of almost a year. We’re currently in a long-distance relationship, but both very devoted to each other. I give him more than enough of my time and he does likewise. I keep having dreams that I cheat on him with either ex-boyfriends, random guys, friends, anyone! It’s really disturbing, because in real life I would never cheat on him and have no desire to do so. What does this mean?! Thanks!

Lauri: Long-distance relationships, no matter how devoted you are to each other, wreak havoc on the inner mind, as attested by your dreams. There could be two layers to these dreams. On the outer physiological layer, these dreams could be compensation for what your body is not getting in waking life. When we go through a dry spell, we’ll find ourselves having a series of naughty dreams because our body has to make up for what it isn’t getting otherwise.

But on a deeper psychological layer, these dreams may be connected to a certain level of guilt you are having about the relationship being long distance. Typically, when we are the cheater in the dream it is caused by guilt over not giving your mate enough time and attention. In your case, when you are hundreds of miles away from each other, a part of you feels that you are “cheating” yourself and each other out of a relationship where you can actually be together, touch each other, hold each other, smell each other, etc. You may find you get these dreams on nights where you hung out with other couples who were hugging and cuddling in front of you, forcing you to face what you are missing out on — causing the inner mind to feel cheated.

While your outer self is content with the long-distance relationship, your inner self is struggling. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be in this relationship, of course. It just means you’ve got a tougher row to hoe… by not being a ho… and staying true!

Response from dreamer: Thank you for your quick and funny response! I won’t be a ho, promise! This long-distance thing is ending soon and hopefully so will these dreams! About feeling a little “guilty,” I can see why that is. Sometimes I did feel bad, because I left him THOUSANDS of miles away. Thank you again, very helpful!

As you can see from this dream, our dreams have an awful lot to tell us, every single night! No matter what issue life throws at you, your dreams will always be there to guide you through and help you find the answer you need… once you can understand them. You see, our dreams speak in symbols and being able to know what those symbols in your dreams mean is a huge key in unlocking the message. My book Cracking The Dream Code has a comprehensive dream dictionary of 1000 symbols fully explained. You’ll also learn how to remember your dreams, how to understand all the different parts of  your dreams and even how to dream about anything you want!! Trust me, bedtime will never be the same…

“Your books have been so helpful. I’m seeing my dreams in a much different light. I can’t believe how simple the symbology is once you get the hang of it. It’s incredible.” – Patricia, Chico, CA

The post I keep dreaming I’m cheating on my boyfriend. Help! appeared first on Lauri Loewenberg | Dream Expert.

Dear Lauri,
A few nights ago I dreamed I had sex with a very zitty, obese, gay man, while my husband watched.  I was so disgusted, but had consented for some reason. That’s a dream I will never forget!!!

Lauri:  You are brave for sharing that dream!  Now let’s sort it out for you.  What in your life seems blemished?  Is there some situation you need to “clear up?”  The large size of the man is connected to the fact that this is a big issue that weighs heavy on you.  You consented in the dream because this must be an issue you “invited in” to your life.  I believe the fact the man in your dream is gay suggests that this is something that is one sided, which may also be why hubby is watching rather than participating.  Are you the one doing all the work on this issue?

Angi replies:  Wow! Very interesting. I would say my marriage is blemished.  My husband just found out I had an emotional affair.  I am trying to take care of that.  I feel like my husband doesn’t see my efforts. Maybe that was the blemish, which resulted from the one-sided feelings (me never feeling like I was doing enough).

Lauri:  Ooh… yes. That would certainly be the blemish.  Knowing that, I think the dream is showing you that he DOES see your efforts. You could use this dream to open up a dialogue with him about this situation. Your dream is the most honest expression you have.  Maybe it will help him to see you are committed to “clearing things up.”

Strange sex dreams, death of a loved one, weird things happening to your body… It’s ALL in there!  Grab your copy of So, What Did You Dream Last Night?  and understand your dreams like never before!

“I have both of your books. I love them!!  It is so much fun to look up what my dreams mean in the morning.  I don’t know what I would do without them!”   – Amy, Clearfield, UT

The post I dreamed I had sex with an obese man! appeared first on Lauri Loewenberg | Dream Expert.

Every Monday I get to dissect a relationship dream for my friends at

I’ll just cut right to the chase: I have what can be called “wet dreams.” When I dream something hot not only do I become aroused, but I have the actual big O. I would say I have several wet dreams a month. Now, I’m not complaining — it’s kind of awesome, to be honest! — but I want to know how common this is amongst women? Because I’ve never heard of women having wet dreams. Men, yes…women, no. Although, my own husband hasn’t ever had a wet dream. I find that strange, because I always thought that men are the only ones to have them. So what’s the deal?

Lauri: Having the big O during sleep is actually VERY common indeed for us ladies! And in my research, about two “wet dreams” a month seems to be the going rate these days among women. In fact, after the early twenties, dreams resulting in the big O rise among women and decrease among men. Yay us!

What causes the big O in sleep? It is definitely the dream content! The body does not know the difference between a dreaming event or a waking event, so its reactions to dream stimuli will be the same as reactions to waking life stimuli (save for the fact that the skeletal muscles are paralyzed during REM so that we do not get up and act out the dream). The eye balls move under our lids (hence the term REM, Rapid Eye Movement) because we are watching what is going on in our dream. If the dream is exciting or frightening, the heart races, we sweat, breathing becomes rapid. And if the content is hot, the brain sends the message to our lady friend down below and… BAM!…You have been the proud recipient of a wet dream. (For men, it’s the exact same process except after the mid twenties the big O’s are – unfortunately – fewer and farther between)

Get a private dream reading with me

What causes these hot dreams? Pay attention to your cycle. If you are in the middle, when ovulation takes place, this is when you are more likely to have a sex dream, because the body is ready and willing. It does not always refer to a physical union you want but a psychological union you need or have recently had. A naughty dream about the creepy guy in the cubicle behind you, for example? It doesn’t mean you secretly want your way with him, it means you either need to “come together” on some level for a project or for the good of your job OR perhaps there is something about him – like his computer savvy – that you need to bring into your own personality just as you might have brought him into your body in the dream. And if said dream ends in the big O, enjoy and rejoice in the fact that the result is not nearly as messy as it is for a man.

Dreams help us in every area of our lives, relationships, career, overcoming the past… you name it!  When you can understand your dreams, your life gets better because decisions are easier, tough situations are clearer and you’re just plain smarter when you dream! My book Dream On It, Unlock Your Dreams Change Your Life will help you learn your own dream language so you can get an edge in life. 

“I had been having some really crazy dreams and I wanted a book that would help me understand. I didn’t want a dictionary, I wanted something that would explain things to me. I hit the jackpot with this book. I learned a ton about dreams and the psyche when dreaming.  I would recommend this book to anyone who’s interested in learning about dreams and their meaning.”   – Tiffany, reviewer on Good Reads dot com

Want to read Dream on It right now? It’s available on Nook and Kindle!

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Every week I analyze a naughty dream for

As I pinned Lindsay down and began to kiss my way down her body, a head popped up from under the blanket of the other bed – it was a guy from a clique I’d quarreled with two years ago and haven’t spoken to since.  He wanted in on it, but we preferred to keep it to just us. 

In the dream, Lindsay and I had quite wonderful foreplay, when suddenly four people from that same group that I’d quarrelled withcame in.  They had all been watching Lindsay and I go at it.  By this time both of us felt distinctly uncomfortable and we decided to stop having sex because it was just strange doing it with so many people watching.  We left the room and parted ways and nothing else came of that!

What does it mean?  I am straight and engaged to the love of my life. 

Lauri:  Lindsay, Lindsay, Lindsay… so many things come to mind regarding this gal.  My guess is that your dreaming mind is using her because her most popular movie is “Mean Girls.”   Your dream seems to be commenting on the fact that, at the time of this dream,  you were in a “hostile” situation in your life, hence the hostel setting in the dream.  Was someone around you being “mean” to you?  The other characters in your dream are people whom you’ve quarreled with.  So this recent situation must feel the same as that past situation did.

Sex in a dream is actually about “coming together” with, uniting with the qualities of your lover in the dream.  Lindsay’s character was a good girl gone bad, gone good again.  Perhaps you were recently trying to overcome your bad girl self and play the good girl in the waking life situation… but just as it was getting hot and heavy and too many people were wanting to get in on the action in the dream, things were probably getting too “heated” and too involved and complicated in waking life.  It seems that the message your dream is to be aware of how this is making you look to others and just walk away.

Do celebrities make cameo appearances in your dreams?  If they do, you can bet they have an important message for you.  My book So, What Did You Dream Last Night? has a whole chapter on celebrities in dreams, how to figure them out and covers the most common celebrities we dream about.  You’ll also find out more about sex dreams, why nightmares are good for you, why houses are so important in dreams and more!

“I was so involved in your book that I missed my stop this morning!  Reading your book is like peeking into someone’s therapy session.”   – Laura Zaccaro, Good Morning America writer

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