Do the Dead Communicate With Us In Our Dreams?

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butterfly

I’m often asked about those dreams we have about our loved ones after they die. Are they really coming through to us while we dream? Read on to find out what I think. This is a correspondence between a lady who was recently widowed and me…

My husband died on 6/26/11 and since then I have had four short dreams of him. I’ve seen his face in only one of the dreams. In all of the others we are side by side – in one he is driving, in another we are going through the mail, and in the other we are standing at his workbench.
- Valerie, Chicago, IL

Lauri: Your dreams during this time can be very helpful to your grief process as well as comforting. I believe you may have  seen his face in only one of the dreams because it has been difficult to “face” the reality of his passing. That’s usually what it means when we can’t see faces in a dream, there is something difficult to face in waking life. As the grief lightens, rest assured, you will have dreams where you can see his face.

In the dream where you are side by side, I believe that it is him, his spirit, his consciousness, letting you know that he is still with you, by your side. Believe me, I have heard countless dreams from people who have lost loved ones and they entail this same sort of detail where the loved one shows he or she is still around.

In your other dream he is driving because – I believe for two reasons – on one level (the spiritual level) he is driving because he is not only with you but also guiding you right now as you try to navigate through the grief. And on another level (the psychological level), he is driving because he is still a driving force in your life, in your thoughts and in your heart. Your grief over him probably drives most of your decisions and even behavior. But that’s okay. You MUST grieve and not be apologetic for it.

I do find it interesting that you are going through the mail. The mail represents your ability to communicate with him, in which case he is letting you know that – through your dreams – he is communicating with you. And even through little signs throughout the day he may be letting you know he is around: in the butterfly that lands on your windowsill, in the bird that lands on your porch and looks at you, in the colors in the sky and in the sound of the wind, he is sending mail to you, messages that he is still around.

Standing at his workbench may be a message of encouragement that you need to and that you can “work” through the grief. And on a deeper spiritual level, he may be telling you that you can feel his presence there when you need to. It is also possible that this could be a message regarding your own work or job. Anything going on there? Perhaps he is telling you to hang in there and that he is, as always, by your side.

While I can’t say with 100% certainty that your husband is communicating with you through these dreams, I can say that I have heard enough “after death” dreams to draw my own personal conclusion that our loved ones can communicate while we are in the dream state. That’s not to say every dream you have about you husband will be him – sometimes he will be standing in for your own male, assertive, get ‘er done energy… but sometimes it could be him. You’ll know. Those dreams feel different than other dreams and you wake from them still feeling him near you, even smelling him. I believe he is with you, around you and communicating with you.

Read one of my personal experiences with dreams and death.

Valerie replies: Your analysis is spot on and has brought me a great deal of comfort and joy. Yes, it has been difficult to “face” the reality of Christopher’s sudden passing.  I so look forward to when I can see his face in my dreams. I do believe he is still with me and has been communicating with me. In the dream where I saw his face, I walked in the front door and saw him bent over to pick something up. I said “Oh, there you are” and he stood up and said “Yeah, I’m right here. Where’d ya think I was?”


Funny you mentioned a butterfly and a bird. Prior to emailing you today I noticed a colorful butterfly on the windowsill – a very unusual sight in April in Chicago. And on two occasions since his passing birds have flown close and touched me and that never happened before in my life. There have been many other “communications” including his picture falling off the china cabinet into my purse on Christmas day – I now understand he “mailed” me a Christmas card.

Most amazing is that you mentioned my job in regards to the workbench dream. He wanted me to quit my demanding job, but I knew the economy would eventually take its toll and I wanted to stick it out to get the severance package. By the end of August grief and the tense work environment were taking their toll. As I was getting dressed I said out loud “Alright Christopher, if this job is ending let’s get it over with.” Three hours later I was handed my severance package. In the dream the workbench was perpendicular to where it actually is… now that I know the dream has to do with a job I think it may mean to go in a different direction work wise.

Thank you for confirming that loved ones can communicate while we are in the dream state. Grief books only hint at it, but hearing it from an esteemed researcher means so much. Lauri, I am so glad I turned the radio on this morning. I know much of your work concerns funny, strange and wild dreams, but I’m sure you know how important dreams are to those of us experiencing loss. I know I am blessed to have had dreams of my Christopher – a lady in my grief group would give anything to dream of her husband. Thank you for the work you do and thank you for your sweet analysis of my dreams. I have printed your email and will reread it whenever I need a pick me up.


After hearing me on WGN in Chicago, Valerie went to my site and purchased a personal dream interpretation. As you can see, dreams have an awful lot to tell you! You can also read more about dreaming after the death of a loved one in my ebook So, What Did You Dream Last Night? It’s only $2.99 and you can start reading it in just seconds from now!

“I just love your books.  They are spot on in your interpretations.”
– Carol Falkowski, Pittsburgh, PA

I don’t know why I didn’t order your books YEARS ago. I am so excited! I’m halfway through “So What Did You Dream Last Night” and LOVE LOVE LOVE it. You had me cracking up several times. I’m so happy to know I’m not the only one with completely off the wall dreams.
– Gina, Springdale, PA

 

28 Responses

  1. Erica says:

    My mom died 21 yrs ago and I havent dreamt about her since i was 12. Last night I dreamt that i was at the house that i grew up in with my grandmother. I was walking by a window and I had seen hewr on the room that was attached to the house. She waved at me and told me to come down to talk to her. At first i was afraid because i could see right through her. When i finally got the nerve i went and sat down next to her. I dont remember much about the dream but i do remember asking her if she was in pain when she passed. She had passed away because of AIDS. She told me no. I remember asking her if she has been by myside the whole time she was gone and she told me that she has been by myside all the time. The last thing i remember is that my cousins came around and i asked them if they can see her and they said yes… Can you tell me what does this mean?

  2. shar holland says:

    my mom passed sept 24,2011..its is now july my father is in hospital for a blood clott..a few nights ago..i had dream where she told me dad was really sick and wouldnt live to see xmas..when i woke i could feel her in my room..i looked at my clock to see what time it was and there was a shaddow blocking half of it…my daughter who is staying in her house dog sitten while my dad in hospital called the next day to tell me the light in the room where she passsed came on at 4 in the morning by itself..that was around the same time i awoke from this dream..could she really be talking to me ????

  3. ellie says:

    my uncle have 15 years the he’s daed and last year i deram about him and i still don’t know why me for his familiy iam no body and i star see a lot of things the i see in my dream i toll my cusin but like in my dream they don’t care and my mind still wondering i fell is something eals and i remember evertyhing what i deram and this year my aunt passed away…one thing the i tool my uncle in my dream uncle whit you we all go to the grabe.and my dream toll me what is going to happen

  4. Lin says:

    My grandfather passed away on January 23,2013 I have had 3 dreams about him. the first one was when i was running through a hospital looking for him and i could hear his voice but couldn’t find him,the second one was him driving me him in his old truck,and the third one which i had last night he was standing in front of me smiling and started to walk away. I then asked him if he had to leave and he nodded yes and when i asked him if he was going to come back he nodded yes again. what does this all mean?

  5. Shelly says:

    A man I knew since I was 24, I am 50 now, passed away 3/9/95. He was on life support for a couple months prior to that. He had been skiing and went off the trail and ended up around a tree, he was air lifted to a hospital and was then in a coma for two months prior to his passing, as his family made the heart wrenching decision to let him go after he wasnt showing any sign of life.
    He had seen me two weeks before he went on that fatal ski trip and we just laughed etc. like we always did.
    He was 34 when he passed and I 32. We had always had an amazing connection an love for each other and at one point he had a ring for me… I feel we are soul mates and would of been together had he not passed away.
    About two years ago I had what I know was a visitation from him. It was a beautiful sunny day and he and I were walking side by side laughing and joking around. He was beaming with love and life and happiness, as was I. I was so very happy to be with him, it was as if it was just another day we were together. Then something he said to me before I awoke. He said holding my hand and laughing together as we walked, “I will see you in June”. I said, “Okay”, lovingly. When I awoke, my heart was at peace and filled with love, my eyes with a tear…. I feel it was a real visitation not a dream! God Bless…
    Shelly

  6. Melissa says:

    I have a question, do you know if it means anything if you don’t dream of someone who passed away. My little sister passed away 15 years ago she was only 13 when she passed away I’m 5 years older than her. I have only had a small handful of dreams about her and I don’t know why I don’t dream about her more often.

  7. Wow, so interesting, My father died years back in 1999 but he recently came in my friend's dream identifying himself with specific words he used, and said that he is always with me and told my friend to relay to me that it is almost over and not to worry. (relating to my ex husband I think).

  8. […] not saying that those who have passed on can’t communicate with us through our dreams, I kinda lean towards the fact that they can. But it’s important to keep in mind that whenever you dream of a departed loved one, […]

  9. Dina Aguirre says:

    I have had several dreams about my grandparents after they had passed. When my grandfather Alex passed I dreamt that I was in my grandparents kitchen and the telephone rang, I answered and it was my grandpa saying "everything is going to be all right". I was a young single mother of one. He was right everything did turn out beautifully.

  10. my husband passed away 7 wks ago and ive had 2 dreams that I do see him face to face and the other is when I bring him home from the hospital after a long stay they both are telling us hat hes not dead what does that man.

  11. Lauri Quinn Loewenberg says:

    I'm sorry for your loss Cindy. It is very common, after someone we love dies, to dream that they never really died. This is because you may still be in the denial phase of grief. You are seeing him face to face because your wise dreaming mind is telling you that you need to FACE this unfortunate reality. Your dreams will change as you pass through each phase. It is a process that takes time. Hang in there. Before you know it, he'll be sending you contact dreams… and you'll KNOW it's him!

  12. Alejandro Javier Hernandez says:

    My friend and heart passed away and he is in my dreams hugging me and kissing me abd telling me hes not gone that hes just sleeping

  13. Tintin Gorospe says:

    My mom died last june 27, 2011 and i would always dreamed. In my dream i don't know that she was dead. I always told my mom that we will go see a doctor for her check up and she would just hug me tightly. I can always feel the warmth of her embrace like its real then suddenly i would wake up to realized it'd just a dream. i dreamed of her for 10 times alredy since she died and with the same hugging scenario. Can somebody interpret to me the.meaning of my dreams. Thanks

  14. Cathy Frase says:

    After my son died January 20th 2913. I had the only dream I have ever had that I spoke to someone and they answered back. I walk into a house and my son was there playing need football with some kids. I asked him what was he doing there. He told me that he was playing with his cousins. That he should have done that more before he died. I screamed his name and hugged him. Above his head was a bright lite. He started to fade and I cried out for him to not go. And he told me he was still there. I pray to god that was my Joey and not just a dream

  15. Yes they do if your willing to listen

  16. Barb Jacks says:

    He will always be with you!

  17. Cathy Frase says:

    That's not good enough I want him here;(

  18. That's weird I had a similar dream of Alex soon after she past…

  19. my best friend died 2 and a half years ago when we were 16 and i have had quiet a few dreams where she has come to visit me and in all of them i know that she is dead and just coming to visit. She is always in a rush saying a quick hello and i am always holding her pulling on her begging for her to stay abit longer telling her how much i have missed her. When i hug her it always feels so warm and real its overwhelming but she is coming into my dreams less and less now and I'm missing her alot

  20. I dreamt my grandmother told me in my dream she never died. What does that mean

  21. Eddie Chou says:

    My dad died almost 3 years ago from Lewy body dementia. My mom, sister, bro in law, nieces and wife just went to Disney World to celebrate my mom's 70th birthday in Nov13. While we were there, 3 nights I dreamed my dad was waiting for us at the hotel bus stop to catch the buses from the resort. He didn't know exactly who I was because he was in the later stage if his illness, but he was pointing at me and smiling really really big like he knew I was someone important in his life. I walked over and hugged him and I would wake up with tears on my face. I am sure he was trying to say hello from the afterlife.

  22. I have dreamt about love ones who have passed and we are all going on a trip…

  23. Norie Evans says:

    Yes it is true. I didn't know my father had passed away 20 years ago. My father came to me in my dream and said his last goodbye. My father told me he won't be coming back and that he is going for good. The next morning I received a letter from my mother that my father had passed away 3 days before. My mother who passed away 15 years ago had come to me in my dream last Easter Monday 2013. My mother who came to me in my dream, stood by my side, lies with me, walked with me in my dream. It was a great feeling when I woke up. It was nice to know that my parents had come to visit me in my dreams.

  24. Norie Evans says:

    God, send forth his angel to deliver a dream to the dreamer. The dreamer sees, hears and understand the message from the deity. The dreamer wake up and react to the dream followed by fulfillment.

  25. Ken Kaplan says:

    Many times when loved ones come to us, in a mysterious way they "use" our subconscious to give us a message. Recently ac woman I worked on with a dream had her dead husband in it and he turned away quickly to leave at one point. There was a Buddhist type woman there with three eyes (the third eye is considered the "eye of intuition") and she represented the dreamer's spiritual wisdom self. His turning away indicated two things as we worked with that
    1) He left at the right time which she had not been able to accept
    2) He wanted her to begin to let of of the feeling of need that she could not move forward in her life and career without his help and to rely now on her own power, especially her spiritual power.

    I say this because in your dreams, and I honor your missing your friend, her being in a rush may contain a message for you. I don't know your life but do you "rush around", perhaps not taking in life as much as you could? Is she signaling how relationships and life are precious and slowing down will give you the opportunity to "smell the flowers" and appreciate things and people more while they are here?

    Sorry to be presumptuous, but in any event, my experience is things in dreams happen for a reason. Especially actions of loved ones who visit. You might journal and allow her to "speak" as to why she was in a rush and was there a message in it for you?

    A friend of mine had a dream with his dead sister and she said she had to come now because later she would have less opportunity. So this may be common more than we think. My experience is the dead are more connected to the Divine and therefore any timetable of visitation is truly according to our need.

    I'm sure your friend still loves you and is aware of you and may come from time to time, but her coming less may signal a message to you a need to look more within yourself for your contentment in life and that you have the ability to appreciate and create friends and loved ones who are still here. You were 16, in a prime stage of growth toward adulthood. It would make sense that she would want you looking forward to all that is before you and by coming less she might be signaling that. Those close to us who have passed are always with us. But they give us what we need, not always what we want.

  26. Ken Kaplan says:

    I think the message is rather simple. Your mom interrupts the doctor visit to give you a deep hug. She is signaling that no medical visit is necessary, she is all right, and she is showing you that she is still with you and how much she loves you.

  27. Kimbrele Joy Johnson says:

    I always dream of my other half..He passed away in December of 2013.We have two kids together.I was pregnant when he passed..I always wonder why I dream about him come to find out I guess thats how we communicate w/ each other.

  28. Carl Hibbs Sr. says:

    My husband died 4/28/14 just after we married 2/14/14. Diagnosed with stg 4 Cancer 3/14/14. I had a dream about him less than a month ago. He was lying on the couch. I was sitting next to him. We were talking about his illness then he went away and I woke up. Just last night I woke up crying because I was dreaming of him in a crowded room. When he saw me he turned into a mouse as he was running. I picked him up and told him I love him, but all he could do was talk to me as a mouse and then he disappeared again. It has left me crying all morning. I want to see him in dreams but it is so hard when I wake up. I miss him soooo soooo much

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