I’m often asked about those dreams we have about our loved ones after they die. Are they really coming through to us while we dream? Read on to find out what I think. This is a correspondence between a lady who was recently widowed and me…
My husband died on 6/26/11 and since then I have had four short dreams of him. I’ve seen his face in only one of the dreams. In all of the others we are side by side – in one he is driving, in another we are going through the mail, and in the other we are standing at his workbench.
- Valerie, Chicago, IL
Lauri: Your dreams during this time can be very helpful to your grief process as well as comforting. I believe you may have seen his face in only one of the dreams because it has been difficult to “face” the reality of his passing. That’s usually what it means when we can’t see faces in a dream, there is something difficult to face in waking life. As the grief lightens, rest assured, you will have dreams where you can see his face.
In the dream where you are side by side, I believe that it is him, his spirit, his consciousness, letting you know that he is still with you, by your side. Believe me, I have heard countless dreams from people who have lost loved ones and they entail this same sort of detail where the loved one shows he or she is still around.
In your other dream he is driving because – I believe for two reasons – on one level (the spiritual level) he is driving because he is not only with you but also guiding you right now as you try to navigate through the grief. And on another level (the psychological level), he is driving because he is still a driving force in your life, in your thoughts and in your heart. Your grief over him probably drives most of your decisions and even behavior. But that’s okay. You MUST grieve and not be apologetic for it.
I do find it interesting that you are going through the mail. The mail represents your ability to communicate with him, in which case he is letting you know that – through your dreams – he is communicating with you. And even through little signs throughout the day he may be letting you know he is around: in the butterfly that lands on your windowsill, in the bird that lands on your porch and looks at you, in the colors in the sky and in the sound of the wind, he is sending mail to you, messages that he is still around.
Standing at his workbench may be a message of encouragement that you need to and that you can “work” through the grief. And on a deeper spiritual level, he may be telling you that you can feel his presence there when you need to. It is also possible that this could be a message regarding your own work or job. Anything going on there? Perhaps he is telling you to hang in there and that he is, as always, by your side.
While I can’t say with 100% certainty that your husband is communicating with you through these dreams, I can say that I have heard enough “after death” dreams to draw my own personal conclusion that our loved ones can communicate while we are in the dream state. That’s not to say every dream you have about you husband will be him – sometimes he will be standing in for your own male, assertive, get ‘er done energy… but sometimes it could be him. You’ll know. Those dreams feel different than other dreams and you wake from them still feeling him near you, even smelling him. I believe he is with you, around you and communicating with you.
Valerie replies: Your analysis is spot on and has brought me a great deal of comfort and joy. Yes, it has been difficult to “face” the reality of Christopher’s sudden passing. I so look forward to when I can see his face in my dreams. I do believe he is still with me and has been communicating with me. In the dream where I saw his face, I walked in the front door and saw him bent over to pick something up. I said “Oh, there you are” and he stood up and said “Yeah, I’m right here. Where’d ya think I was?”
Funny you mentioned a butterfly and a bird. Prior to emailing you today I noticed a colorful butterfly on the windowsill – a very unusual sight in April in Chicago. And on two occasions since his passing birds have flown close and touched me and that never happened before in my life. There have been many other “communications” including his picture falling off the china cabinet into my purse on Christmas day – I now understand he “mailed” me a Christmas card.
Most amazing is that you mentioned my job in regards to the workbench dream. He wanted me to quit my demanding job, but I knew the economy would eventually take its toll and I wanted to stick it out to get the severance package. By the end of August grief and the tense work environment were taking their toll. As I was getting dressed I said out loud “Alright Christopher, if this job is ending let’s get it over with.” Three hours later I was handed my severance package. In the dream the workbench was perpendicular to where it actually is… now that I know the dream has to do with a job I think it may mean to go in a different direction work wise.
Thank you for confirming that loved ones can communicate while we are in the dream state. Grief books only hint at it, but hearing it from an esteemed researcher means so much. Lauri, I am so glad I turned the radio on this morning. I know much of your work concerns funny, strange and wild dreams, but I’m sure you know how important dreams are to those of us experiencing loss. I know I am blessed to have had dreams of my Christopher – a lady in my grief group would give anything to dream of her husband. Thank you for the work you do and thank you for your sweet analysis of my dreams. I have printed your email and will reread it whenever I need a pick me up.
After hearing me on WGN in Chicago, Valerie went to my site and purchased a mini dream interpretation. As you can see, even the minniest of dreams have an awful lot to tell you! You can also read more about dreaming after the death of a loved one in my book So, What Did You Dream Last Night?
“I just love your books. They are spot on in your interpretations.”
- Carol Falkowski, Pittsburgh, PA
“I don’t know why I didn’t order your books YEARS ago. I am so excited! I’m halfway through “So What Did You Dream Last Night” and LOVE LOVE LOVE it. You had me cracking up several times. I’m so happy to know I’m not the only one with completely off the wall dreams.”
– Gina, Springdale, PA
My mom died 21 yrs ago and I havent dreamt about her since i was 12. Last night I dreamt that i was at the house that i grew up in with my grandmother. I was walking by a window and I had seen hewr on the room that was attached to the house. She waved at me and told me to come down to talk to her. At first i was afraid because i could see right through her. When i finally got the nerve i went and sat down next to her. I dont remember much about the dream but i do remember asking her if she was in pain when she passed. She had passed away because of AIDS. She told me no. I remember asking her if she has been by myside the whole time she was gone and she told me that she has been by myside all the time. The last thing i remember is that my cousins came around and i asked them if they can see her and they said yes… Can you tell me what does this mean?
my mom passed sept 24,2011..its is now july my father is in hospital for a blood clott..a few nights ago..i had dream where she told me dad was really sick and wouldnt live to see xmas..when i woke i could feel her in my room..i looked at my clock to see what time it was and there was a shaddow blocking half of it…my daughter who is staying in her house dog sitten while my dad in hospital called the next day to tell me the light in the room where she passsed came on at 4 in the morning by itself..that was around the same time i awoke from this dream..could she really be talking to me ????
my uncle have 15 years the he’s daed and last year i deram about him and i still don’t know why me for his familiy iam no body and i star see a lot of things the i see in my dream i toll my cusin but like in my dream they don’t care and my mind still wondering i fell is something eals and i remember evertyhing what i deram and this year my aunt passed away…one thing the i tool my uncle in my dream uncle whit you we all go to the grabe.and my dream toll me what is going to happen
My grandfather passed away on January 23,2013 I have had 3 dreams about him. the first one was when i was running through a hospital looking for him and i could hear his voice but couldn’t find him,the second one was him driving me him in his old truck,and the third one which i had last night he was standing in front of me smiling and started to walk away. I then asked him if he had to leave and he nodded yes and when i asked him if he was going to come back he nodded yes again. what does this all mean?
A man I knew since I was 24, I am 50 now, passed away 3/9/95. He was on life support for a couple months prior to that. He had been skiing and went off the trail and ended up around a tree, he was air lifted to a hospital and was then in a coma for two months prior to his passing, as his family made the heart wrenching decision to let him go after he wasnt showing any sign of life.
He had seen me two weeks before he went on that fatal ski trip and we just laughed etc. like we always did.
He was 34 when he passed and I 32. We had always had an amazing connection an love for each other and at one point he had a ring for me… I feel we are soul mates and would of been together had he not passed away.
About two years ago I had what I know was a visitation from him. It was a beautiful sunny day and he and I were walking side by side laughing and joking around. He was beaming with love and life and happiness, as was I. I was so very happy to be with him, it was as if it was just another day we were together. Then something he said to me before I awoke. He said holding my hand and laughing together as we walked, “I will see you in June”. I said, “Okay”, lovingly. When I awoke, my heart was at peace and filled with love, my eyes with a tear…. I feel it was a real visitation not a dream! God Bless…
Shelly
I have a question, do you know if it means anything if you don’t dream of someone who passed away. My little sister passed away 15 years ago she was only 13 when she passed away I’m 5 years older than her. I have only had a small handful of dreams about her and I don’t know why I don’t dream about her more often.
Wow, so interesting, My father died years back in 1999 but he recently came in my friend's dream identifying himself with specific words he used, and said that he is always with me and told my friend to relay to me that it is almost over and not to worry. (relating to my ex husband I think).
[...] not saying that those who have passed on can’t communicate with us through our dreams, I kinda lean towards the fact that they can. But it’s important to keep in mind that whenever you dream of a departed loved one, [...]